why warmth matters in the workplace

Why Warmth Matters in the Workplace

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why warmth matters in the workplaceFemale leaders often fight to prove their competence and strength in the workplace. As a result, they can come across as “tough” or “pushy,” which is a shame because some of these leaders’ greatest attributes end up overshadowed as a result.

But research suggests that a leader (female or male) doesn’t need to be tough to be effective. In fact, the combination of “warmth” plus “competence” seems to offer the winning formula for success, according to an article in the Harvard Business Review.

According to “Connect, Then Lead,” a growing number of research studies show that a leader’s warmth can be a “conduit of influence,” because it builds trust and leads to open communication. People listen to people they trust.

“Before what people think of your message, they decide what they think of you,” emphasizes the article.

Don’t misunderstand. A warm leader who is extremely likable but incompetent isn’t going to get too far. But one who demonstrates both likability and competence can be extremely effective.

The HBR article asserts that to lead effectively, one must first show warmth, or likability, while simultaneously demonstrating strength and competence.

So how do we do this? It doesn’t need to be forced. In fact, it can be achieved by thoughtfully reacting in your most natural way. Here are some examples:

1. Look people in the eye
2. Listen
3. Express understanding
4. Show empathy
5. Smile (and mean it!)
6. Nod
7. Use the right tone of voice – a lower, calm pitch
8. Use friendly body language like turning your body towards the person you’re speaking to; lean in; don’t cross your arms

Of course, likable, warm leaders do still need to make unpopular and difficult decisions. But by establishing the trust up front, when it’s time to get tough, it will seem more thoughtful and strategic; not cold and uncaring. This continues to build trust, even in challenging situations.

We have this discussion with quite a few of our clients. And to be sure, there’s a fine line between being warm and seeming like a pushover. Being strong and competent and seeming too rigid and tough. But with some careful consideration and awareness, many of our clients have learned to successfully balance both!

Have you learned to effectively combine warmth and competence? We’d love to hear your strategies!

Creative work life balance strategies for busy mamas

Creative Work Life Balance Strategies for Working Mothers

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Creative work life balance strategies for busy mamasYou have permission to work on the weekend.

What? But isn’t that supposed to be family time?

Of course it is. And, it should remain so, for the most part. However, one of the biggest issues working mothers face is finding time for “it all” without without sacrificing quality of work or quality of family time. And that’s tough to do. That’s why sometimes trying different ways of balancing your world might just work better for you.

A recent Entrepreneur Magazine articleoffered some new ideas for “getting it all done.”

The piece featured time management expert, Laura Vanderkam, and her new book, “I Know How She Does It.” Vanderkam talked with more than 1,000 working women to determine some of the most effective ways for staying sane when caught in the crossfire of work and family commitments.

Here are four of the strategies she revealed:

Say Buh-Bye to 9-5
A new term that’s been cropping up recently is the “Split Shift,” which involves taking a break in the work day to pick up kids from school, engage in homework and after school activities, dinner and bedtime. Then, getting back to work after the kids are in bed. Of course, women have been doing this for ages but now there’s a descriptive term for it…and it’s a viable strategy.

Track Your Time
This seems pretty much a no-brainer but not enough women actually do this. It’s eye opening and liberating. Truly. Spend a week (or even a few days) tracking your time, both work and personal, to see where you’re really spending your precious hours. This will give you a great sense of where your time is going and either help you reassess your commitments to create more balance or, believe it or not, it may prove you’re actually balancing things better than you thought!

Reduce Your To Dos
Once you see where you are spending your time, you should have a better understanding of how to budget your time vs. activities. Reducing is a must and everyone should do this, whether you’re a working mother or not. We can’t stress enough (and neither can any time management expert) that eliminating non-essential tasks and commitments and either delegating them or getting rid of them completely will help keep you focused on your most important activities and save more time for coveted family time.

Work on the Weekend
This may seem contrary to creating good balance but knowing you have some specific, dedicated work time during the weekend can help alleviate stress. This is especially true for working mothers with do take time throughout the workday to spend time with family or take care of personal issues. Just make sure to keep this time focused on important activities and when it’s done, it’s done. And then….it’s time for family and fun!

Balance is an ongoing effort. Think of it as a fluid thing that needs to be fine tuned each day as the tides of life ebb and flow. What strategies have you found to help?

How Do You Want to be Remembered?

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by Chasity Kuttrus

Today I read an article that gave me a different way to consider work-life balance, success, purpose and how and what we choose to do with our lives.

The Huffington Post head honcho, Arianna Huffington, penned this piece, asking readers, “Are you Living Your Eulogy…or Your Resume?”

In it, she urges us to consider our own personal definition of a “successful” life and whether or not we’re living it.

“Have you noticed that when people die, their eulogies celebrate life very differently from the way we define success in our everyday existence?” Ms. Huffington asks in the piece.

Good point.

It’s so easy to get caught up in a harried existence, reacting to each thing that comes barreling at you. Some of it’s work-related, some of it’s personal stuff and some of it is just self-created stress that you can easily dump if you set your mind to it.

Take a few minutes today and think about how you want to be remembered someday. What do you want your kids, spouse, family and friends to remember about you when you’re no longer around? Or, if you don’t want to go there, think about how you’d want your loved ones to describe you to someone else. Make a mental note of those things. Or, even better, make a real note and keep it somewhere nearby.

Then, when you’re juggling priorities, use those things as part of your compass to guide you into setting boundaries and determining how to spend your time. It just might make some decisions easier for you.

Read the entire article here. And come back and let me know what you think!

5 Things to Stop Doing….Immediately

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by Chasity Kuttrus

Are you engaging in behavior that’s holding you back from getting where you want to go – in your career or in your personal life? Let me tell you a little secret….most of us are, whether we realize it or not. In fact, even the most confident, savvy and successful of us are still acting in ways that keep us from moving forward.

Here are a few of the most common things women need to stop doing…immediately.

1. Negative Self-Talk. The tone of your inner voice sets the tone for your entire existence. If you are constantly berating yourself, insulting yourself and telling yourself you are dumb, stupid, lazy, fat or ugly, how do you think that is going to affect your entire life?

Would you ever….ever speak to a friend of loved one the way you speak to yourself? Of course not. How would you speak to them? With encouragement, compliments and praise. Start doing that to yourself.

2. Falling Into The “Someday” Trap. Someday isn’t guaranteed, so stop thinking in those terms. Instead, start thinking in “ASAP” terms. As in, set your goals, put a plan in place and do it. I’m not suggesting you throw caution to the wind and take unnecessary risks but get your plan in motion today. Not “someday.”

3. Letting Others Define Your Path. Whether we’re talking about your career path or your personal path, it’s up to you to determine what you want and then put into place the action steps to get there. Otherwise, you’ll be caught up in the tide, with no say in where you end up. What’s the logical next step in your career path? Is that what course YOU put yourself on or what someone else put you on? What does your weekend schedule look like? I know, it’s often dictated by everyone else’s activities, wants and needs. Make sure you make time for your desired activities too. You may be surprised how others can adjust once you take the bull by the horns.

4. Burning Out. No offense, but you’re of no use to anyone – your company, your family, yourself – if you’re passed out on the floor from exhaustion. Get enough sleep. Get some exercise. Get your life in balance. Here are some tips to help you manage your time – and your life – better.

5. Nurturing The “I’m Not Worthy” Syndrome. Believe me, everyone struggles with this one – CEO’s, rock stars, actors, even the President. Just like you and me, these people sometimes feel like someone is going to find out that they don’t know what they’re doing and the jig will be up. It’s natural – and even good – to feel a slight sense of insecurity because it means you recognize you still have things to learn. When we stop learning, we stop growing. Recognize that you have incredible skills and talents, be grateful for your blessings, know that you deserve to be where you are and then keep striving to be the best you can be.

Sometimes, all it takes is a few changes in your life to make big progress and giving up self-defeating behaviors is a great way to start.

New Year’s Resolutions for Professional Women

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by Chasity Kuttrus

How many of you have “get in shape” on your New Year’s resolutions list? How about “spend more time with family” or “read more books?”

We most often focus our resolutions on things we want to change in our personal lives, but what about resolutions to make some adjustments in our professional lives?

More often than not, if we can make some changes to our work lives, a lot of our wishes for our personal lives fall into place. Better work-life balance, for example, goes a long way in helping you get to the gym, not have to work as late and have extra time for your family and hobbies. See? I have it all figured out for you.

But, truthfully, our personal resolutions are often stymied by a simple lack of time and by the fact that we always put ourselves last – after our jobs, our families and our communities. Sigh.

Here are 7 resolutions to make in your professional life that will impact your health, happiness and well-being at the office….and most importantly, at home.

Make a Career Plan – We plan everything else, why do so many of us fail to create a plan for our career, one of the biggest parts of our lives? Sit down and consider what you want to be doing this year, next year, in five years, maybe even in 10. Then, make a list of short and long-term action items to get you there. Those short-term goals will likely become your professional New Year’s resolutions!

Delegate More – Once you have your plan in place and your required action items, you need to shift things around so you can focus on those things. Delegate the stuff you don’t need to be doing! Yes, it’s hard to let go of some things but once you begin handing things off to a trusted resource, you’ll become addicted to delegating. It’s freeing. And leaves you much more time for the important things only you can do.

Pay it Forward – Consciously take time to help others, both your superiors and your subordinates. Do it when you can so that when you do have to say “no” you don’t feel bad about it. And, pssst…delegating more will enable you to lend your time and talents more freely.

Say No – Learn to say no. Say “yes” when you can but if the request keeps you from working on your own goals, say no to it. I’m not saying only do things that will further your career. I’m just saying when you’re pressed for time, you need to prioritize. Your advancement is your priority, not doing things because you just can’t say no to requests.

Stay Out of Office Politics – You will never win. Ever. But you know who does win? The person who shows enough self confidence to rise above the fray and focus on getting things done. Gossip, backstabbing and plotting revenge are major time and emotional well being suckers and keep you from important work.

Be Visible – As important as it is to keep your nose to the grindstone, so is showing your face. Go to networking events. Participate in meetings. Have lunch with colleagues. Don’t just hide in your office. Whether that office is a cubicle or the big fancy corner digs, you need to get out, see and be seen.

Keep Normal Hours – Create an environment where your team members understand boundaries – yours and those of your colleagues. If you are sending emails at Midnight, you set a precedent for your employees, or your boss, that you’re open for business at all hours. Leave the office at a decent time each day. If you have to secretly work more at home (and hopefully you won’t) then do it on the sly. You don’t get medals for working 24/7. In fact, you don’t necessarily get promoted either because it can sometimes show that you aren’t smart with your time.

Above all, practice, practice, practice these activities. Habits aren’t easy to change and the important thing is to keep working on them so they do become part of your work life. Over time, you’ll find adhering to these practices will help make you happier and more well-balanced in the workplace – and in all areas of your life.

Happy New Year!

Begin Your New Year’s Resolutions Process Now

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By Chasity Kuttrus

It’s mid-December. Has it hit you yet that 2013 is less than three weeks away? I know; it’s hard to believe. But most of us look forward to the new year as a time to refresh, restart and, well, change things.

But don’t wait until December 31st to decide what you want to be different next year. You have three weeks….take some time to think, really think, about what you’d like your 2013 to look like and then start making some progress towards those goals now.

Here are some ways to help you beautifully wrap up 2012 in nice little package and get a head start on resolution success!

1. Make a list of the ups and downs of 2012. Be specific and detailed; no happening is too small or insignificant. Go month by month and recall conversations, successes and challenges or, yes, outright failures. This will be good for you, I promise. And, I am certain you’ll be pleasantly surprised about all you’ve achieved this year. It’s a great way to get energized for next year!

2. Be realistic….and be grandiose…about what you’d like to be different next year. Create goals you know you can achieve (it’s great for your self esteem!) but also make sure you’re stretching yourself and your ambitions. You are capable of much more than you can imagine! How “big” do you really want to play in 2013?

3. Visualize yourself achieving your goals. I know it sounds a little corny but visualization is a very useful and effective technique. It helps you get into the mindset of success and prompts ideas about how to meet – and exceed – your goals.

4. Plan. Planning is the key to success with almost anything. Seriously. Take some time and plot out how you are going to achieve the goals you’ve set for yourself. You may not have all of the answers now…they often unfold as they’re happening…..but having some action items against all of your long term resolutions will help you know where to begin.

5. Don’t wait until January 1 to begin making changes. Little changes will get you motivated to make bigger ones once New Year’s day dawns. If you want to network more next year, get out there now! The holidays are a great time to meet people. If you want to lose weight, don’t go hog wild over the next few weeks and then cold turkey in the new year. Start making some better choices now (and counteract some of that holiday indulging!) You’ll feel more motivated once the new year begins. If you want to write your novel in 2013, then start making some notes, outlines and jot down ideas to yourself.

Finally, have some fun with your resolutions! Own them; don’t let them own you. You can do it!

How to say “No.”

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By Chasity Kuttrus

We’re almost into the last month of 2012. It’s the holidays. It’s the end of the year. We’re all rushing around, shopping, celebrating and trying to tie up loose ends from 2012 and planning for 2013. And the requests for time, money, help and more keep coming in. At some point, you’re going to have to say “No” to some things. And that’s hard.

But it doesn’t have to be. In fact, the more you say “No” the better at saying “No” you become. Here are 5 ways to get you started.

1. Recognize that there is nothing wrong with saying no.
Really, I promise. You own your time and your life. Very few circumstances leave you with no options. And, it’s better to say no than to say yes and disappoint.

2. Remember, the “Yeses” add up.
Lots of small requests add up and before you know it, you’re spending all of your time on relatively unimportant favors, requests and tasks for others.

3. Know what you want.
It’s a lot easier to say no to things you don’t want when you know what it is that you do want. If you want to work with a certain type of client but another type approaches you, if you know what you want, it’s much easier to say no thanks.

3. Be polite and confident.
It’s always a good idea to be kind and polite when saying “no.” And, decline with confidence. If you waffle, you may find yourself agreeing to a part of the request or, even worse, the entire request!

4. Be brief.
Overexplaining the reason you’re saying no undermines your own confidence. The person does not need to know details. Honestly, it’s none of their business. Provide a brief reason and then move on.

The first time you decline a request, it will be extremely empowering. The more you say “No,” the more in control of your time and talents you will feel. Try it! (But don’t say “no” to this request, though!)

The Best Present…is Being Present

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By Chasity Kuttrus

How can it already be Thanksgiving?  If you’re like me, you feel like the Fourth of July was just yesterday!

But time marches on, doesn’t it? And try as we might, we can’t slow it down. But we can make better use of every moment we have. We can take some measures to be more present in our lives. When we’re present, we enjoy things, moments and people more. We take less for granted and we feel more fulfilled.

Here are some ideas to help you slow down a bit, to live in the “now” and enjoy your life just a bit more this holiday season.

Slow Down
That’s a tough one, especially during this time of the year! But sometimes by slowing down, you get more done. Rushing leads to mistakes, frenzy and frustration. Act more slowly, deliberately and thoughtfully. You’ll be surprised at the difference it will make.

Sit
Why do you have to be doing all the time? Just sit. When you have a moment between meetings or appointments, quit checking your email, scanning a magazine or making a quick call. Try just sitting.

Pay Attention
While you’re sitting, quit thinking about what’s going to happen next. Look around you and see what’s happening right now. If you’re so busy thinking about “what’s next” you’ll miss something really important, like the sweet smile on your daughter’s face, the sun bouncing off the clouds, or the very moment when the fragrance of your pumpkin pie starts to fill the house.

Observe
Be in a constant state of observation. Sit back and watch things unfold from where you sit. See how people act and interact. You’ll learn a lot about others – and the world – just by watching for a change.

Listen
When someone talks to you – put down the phone, look away from the computer or TV or from whatever you’re doing. Listen, really listen, to what they’re saying to you. Ask questions and repeat what they’ve said back to them so they know you’re truly engaged.

The next five weeks are going to be crazy ones. The irony is that the holidays are supposed to be about being together and spending time with loved ones, yet we spend so much time stressed out and frantic. This year, try something different. Be present. Because the only thing your family and friends really want from you….is you.

7 Steps to Exude Positivity

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by Chasity Kuttrus

Nobody likes negativity. It creeps into the work place, poisons teams and exhausts even the most patient of colleagues, bosses and employees. On the flip side, positive people are nice to be around, they raise spirits and morale and make more of an impact on the work place environment than you may realize.

It’s not easy to be positive all the time. But with a little self-awareness, you can face the day with an upbeat, “can do” attitude.

Here are 7 ways to leverage your “Inner Positive Energy” every single day….

1. Make it your business to know your colleagues’ strengths. By taking a minute to pinpoint the talents of your teammates, you automatically develop a more positive attitude towards them. Plus, this makes it easier for you to understand how to best work with them for best results. And, when it’s natural and appropriate, give your colleagues props for their talents. They’ll remember it.

2. Practice gratitude. Spending time counting your blessings is a focused exercise in positive thinking.

3. Smile. You’ll be amazed what this can do for yourself and those around you. And, it’s super easy.

4. Be honest and true.Too much CYA’ing is stressful. Stress leads to negative emotions. Be upfront, forthcoming and honest in all you do and you’ll steer clear of this trap.

5. Know what you bring to the table. Every now and then stop a moment and consider your own strengths and talents. We don’t do this enough for ourselves. If you feel positive about yourself, your attitude spills over into all areas of your life.

6. Avoid gossip. You will never, ever be or feel positive after engaging in petty talk about other colleagues.

7. Work on continuous improvement. Learning new things, practicing new habits and taking action helps you avoid feeling stagnant. Being stagnant breeds negativity.

Just like negativity has a way of snowballing, positive people influence those around them. Develop a positive attitude and then keep an eye on your colleagues….you might just inspire them be more positive too!

Seven Signs It’s Time to Make a Change at Work

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By Chasity Kuttrus

If you haven’t been feeling quite “right” with your current job then you might be ready for a change. Effective change can be small…or it can be a complete overhaul. Change might mean talking with your boss about new responsibilities, breathing new life into your current job, going for a promotion or possibly leaving your company altogether. The important thing is to recognize when you need change.

Here are 7 signs that you’re probably ready to make some adjustments in your work life.

Major Procrastination – Everyone procrastinates a little bit but if it’s becoming a big problem for you and you’re having trouble getting anything significant started, you may be in need of some change.

Bringing it Home With You – When you’re not happy at work and you come home and take it out on your husband and kids…you need to take some action, fast. If your job is making you miserable, and it’s spilling over into your personal life, take a closer look at what’s happening at work and see what you can do to improve the situation.

Boredom – If you’re bored, you need to spice it up. The good news is this isn’t too hard. Talk with your boss, do some research, see if there are parts of your job that you would like to expand upon and parts that make you yawn. Who knows, you may be able to delegate those things you get bored with.

Stressful Competition – When competition at work is no longer “healthy competition,” and you’re expending all your energy trying to one up others (or keep them from one upping you) then it’s time to make a change.

Letting Others Dictate Your Career Path – Even entry-level employees should be driving their own careers. If you feel like you are no longer in control of your own career destiny then figure out a way to get back in control.

Apathy – This one is extremely dangerous. If you don’t care about your work, your company, your colleagues or your industry, then do yourself (and everyone else!) a favor and make some major changes to reignite your your interest….or find something else that you do care about.

Unclear Path to Success – Do you know what you’re working towards? Do you know what success looks like for you and how you’re going to get there? If not, you need spend some time figuring this out. Talk with your boss, hire a coach, do anything to help you set goals and strategies for meeting (and hopefully exceeding) them.

Change doesn’t have to be a bad thing. In fact, most of the time it’s good. But we all get set in our ways and change requires effort, so often we just continue with the way things are. Look out for signs you need to adjust and shake things up a bit…you’ll be much happier in the long run.